The Glow Getter's Journey: Breastfeeding
One of the most natural processes our bodies are made to do is one of the hardest hurdles I have been through while having babies…and that is breastfeeding! Below I share my journey with both of my little ones, tips and tricks I’ve learned along the way, products I recommend and more.
Firstly I want to highlight that FED IS BEST, and feeding our babies is a personal journey and my journey has been through the breast feeding route.
To be honest I never really thought about feeding before I got pregnant. I saw women growing up feeding their children, my mum was always so proud how she breast fed all of us...including my sister who was a biter! Through bleeding nipples and excruciating pain, she bore it all because she always said how it was the best start in life for your children. So imagine how I felt when I had problems with breastfeeding with Mouse, my first daughter…I felt like a total failure. What was wrong with me? Did I have enough milk? Was it the shape of my nipples that was the problem? Why can I not get my baby to latch?
I am writing this blog post because support around feeding our babies is super limited and also just seriously so conflicting. This is why I want to highlight how this is a personal choice and what’s most important is what works for you and your baby. I have been very fortunate this second time around to be able to go to numerous latch consultants, oestopath appointments , private midwife appointments and having an amazing support from my maternity nurse. I don’t take this lightly that I have had an army help me get where I am today.
That’s also why I want to share everything I’ve learned along the way. To preface though, I am far from an expert. I have had three bouts of mastitis between my two children and to quote a latch consultant, “I am just one of those cows, where some suffer from it and some don’t”. Nothing quite humbles you quite like being compared to a milking cow…and an unlucky one at that!
My journey begins with my first daughter... Jasmine (AKA mouse). I was just 26 years old when I delivered her. I’ll never forget that feeling in the delivery room when she was placed on my chest, too sleepy to try and latch on she just snuggled in to me.
However, after that I tried and tried and tried… only to keep failing. Instead, syringing my colostrum (the gold dust) which is not easy without someone helping and finally the hospital grade Medela Pump was wheeled out to me. Formula had already been given, and when her blood sugar dropped too low, I had no choice. I look back now and ask myself, why did I feel so bad about something that has been formulated especially for babies?! As mothers I think we often put such heavy expectations on ourselves, especially first time mums.
After building up some supply for bottles ahead of feeds the formula was dropped. I was ready to try again to see if she would latch… while she did for about five minutes with the help of Medela Shields, the feeling of success was short-lived. Every time I would put her into feeding position she would scream…and after a night of both of us crying in the chair in her nursery, I was ready to become an exclusively pumping mama. I was told from numerous midwives that I couldn’t do it… well I was going to show them! I armed myself with my must-haves:
Freestyler MEDELA breast pump
MEDELA hands free pumping bra
Strict Pumping Schedule
3am 40 minute pump
During this time I never felt like I fit in to a category of feeding, I would go to the Harrod’s feeding room without a baby to pump…I would get some weird looks! I also had this sense of pride, I wanted to make clear that the milk in the bottle was my milk… again why did I become so obsessed with this?
One last memory I’ll share that I will never forget is collapsing in tears when at Heathrow Airport. I was traveling to Tehran (where my husband is from) and they didn’t want to let me take through my ice packs that were keeping my milk supply for the next few days fresh. I’m not going to lie, I was screaming and shouting… I was a hormonal and breastfeeding mama…not someone you want to mess with!
Ten and a half months later, I gave Mouse my last drop of milk. And naturally one week later she got a fever…did I feel guilty even though it was likely not related? You bet I did…
So that’s pretty much how breastfeeding went with Mouse. Not a highlight of my first experience of motherhood. So you can see why I was determined to have a different mindset and experience when I got pregnant with baby number two!
After the PTSD I had suffered with my last feeding journey I kept telling myself that I would give what I had, if she didn’t latch I would do both pumping and formula and it would be ok. I kept telling myself that if things did go like they did with Mouse I would be ok!
Well you can imagine my excitement and glee when Valentina latched shortly after being born!
This time in the labour room prior to delivery, a kind midwife came in and advised me on my struggles before. She suggested to start harvesting (link to set I use here). I got 6 syringes full of colostrum which would help if she was muscus-y (helps bring up the mucus) or not interested in feeding.
TIP: keep them in the freezer and when your child gets a cold or temperature apparently it is the best medicine within the first year.
So after feeling super content because my little Valentina latched, of course deja vu hit! I got to the post labour room and for what felt like an eternity since the first potentially last latch she really wasn’t interested...... do I wake her to try to feed? Before I entered that all too familiar panic and guilt mode, I calmed myself and at 4am skin to skin, she latched once again!
Regardless of the toe curling pain, (this lasted at least a few weeks for me) I was so happy to be able to feed…but was I? The pain was getting bad and my nipples were basically open wounds to the point I would dread the next feed. But then when she had finished feeding, the oxytocin high was amazing and mixed with a sense of achievement and happiness at every weight gain!
I was in a somewhat of a 4th trimester bliss/obsession with feeding. Reveling in the difference my journey was with baby number two! However, it wasn’t always smooth. At day 10, the weight gain wasn’t enough so we had to start top-ups. So the pump came out again! In the beginning, we would offer a bottle of formula, I preferred the new Kendamil Organic Formula. For kept justifying to myself that it was organic at least, however this is truly a personal preference as there is nothing wrong with formula whatsoever! Once I started getting some in the fridge, we swapped back to breast milk.
During the first few weeks of Valentina and I’s journey we had two latch consultant visits, the first saying Valentina definitely didn’t have tongue tie but to try out KAIN and Ross Oestopaths who have actually been amazing and ensuring any tightness post birth has been alleviated, plus helping feeding/latching and sleep along with digestive issues etc. I definitely recommend a few visits. My mat nurse wasn’t convinced at first but has now seen the difference regular visits has made.
We also checked Valentina for tongue tie and without any delays if she was diagnosed we went straight to the Chelsea and Westminster to a consultant visit who could do the procedure there and then rather than schedule a GP or pedritician visit and then go to the consultant… and after initially being told she didn’t, she was eventually diagnosed with a mild case and if I thought that would affect her latch in any way I was going to choose for her to have the procedure. We did end up going through with it and not going to lie it was hard to watch. Luckily the procedure was quick and the down time was minimal.
Whether it helped or not, I’m not totally sure, however, what did help me with this whole journey was one little trick that the second latch consultant gave me. To bring my fingers closer to the nipple when prepping it for latching and tadahhhh... it worked, just that one little adjustment! While this won’t work for everyone and is all depending on the anatomy of mummy, it’s a great trick to try! Everything is trial and error and what I want to highlight is not one mama is a failure out there.…whether breast feeding or choosing formula... a happy mama and a contented fed baby is a success!
I am now nearly 3 months in and honestly, every week passing is an achievement for me. I have stores of milk in the freezer and I am pumping and also feeding directly! I have just dropped the night pump and I am finally starting to feel more myself (and slightly better rested!).
What I have to say is that for anyone choosing the breastfeeding route, to keep in mind that it does take some time to get into a routine for you and baby and it is so personal. It has taken me a few months…I have had mastitis again, but just ensuring I have a good schedule for feeding and pumping along with spraying the FRIDA baby (so convenient) saline nipple spray and also the wonderful nipple creams I have found seems to be doing the trick!
I have shared my story because I want people to be more open about their journey because it is not easy. I know some women really do seem to have an easy time feeding but there is always something. Some babies take 10 minutes to feed, however they may not be able to go as long between feeds as a baby that takes 45 minutes. Some mamas make so much milk with the pump while others do not… we are all going through our own trials and wins…you do you and what works for you. I promise it gets easier! Everyone has a preferred choice or opinion and I know that all mothers want to do what is best for them and their children. We should be mindful that all options work for everyone and that is ok!
My DMs and the comments below are open to any and all questions - please don’t hesitate to reach out! I look connecting with my fellow glow getting mamas. I really think we all need each other at this time. Let’s focus on how we can support, uplift and empower one another.
