Mummy on the Glow
I regularly talk about #selfcare and the importance of taking the time to reflect and do things you enjoy or contribute to your overall wellbeing. Easier said than done, right? As we start a new year AND a new decade, I wanted to take a moment to share my personal journey with this topic and the pressure women feel to have it all.
After I had my daughter I went through an identity crisis, I remember my husband asking me to go out the first weekend I was home from the hospital, “I want to feel young again” Mo said. I was struggling with breastfeeding, something I was adamant to do. I had just finished trying to get Mouse to latch for 45 minutes which only resulted in her screaming and me hearing my mum’s words that ‘breast is best’ reeling through my mind. I said to myself I have to let this go, get up, get ready and try venture to a London hotspot and get out of my mummy mindset, just for a few hours. I remember walking into the venue, everyone already there, 20 kilos heavier than pre-pregnancy, and while looking around thinking to myself “I don't belong here.”
This wasn’t true of course, while heavier, I had just had a baby and was still a healthy weight. It just wasn’t the healthier weight I was used to and It took me a long time to feel normal. I was 27, surrounded by my friends who didn’t have kids, my husband who wanted us to go out and enjoy our youth as well as be the ‘perfect’ mummy. This was a recipe that resulted in me putting a lot of pressure on myself and naturally, it didn’t all go as planned.
I was still grappling with this idea of being a ‘mum’, I loved being a mum to my healthy, beautiful baby but for me, I always strived for independence and wanted people to see me for who I am and not just who I am to other people: a wife to my husband, a mum to my daughter. These are roles I am so very grateful for, but I felt there was still something missing. Hats off to the women who love to be a full-time mum, it is no easy feat. In classic ‘Steph’ mindset though, I wanted to have it all. Mum, wife, friend, businesswoman and more. I knew this needed to start by getting my confidence back so after a few more months with my sole focus being Mouse, I then made an effort to hit the gym. It wasn’t easy. There were early morning wake-ups, expressing on the way to the gym, expressing after the gym, the horrible feeling of sore breasts and sweat…not really what you picture by having it all, eh? For me though, it was to sweat now and glow later. And slowly but surely, I felt like myself again while asserting my new role as a mum to Mouse.
The reason for this post is to make it clear that we put so much pressure on ourselves to have it all. But it’s about taking it one day at a time in the tiniest of steps to get us to where we want to go. I didn’t change my confidence and life overnight, it was an inch by inch process that I am very proud of. But surprise, surprise, the guilt still remains. I do everything I can for my daughter, but there is always that guilt of sending her to nursery too early because there are hundreds of unanswered emails in my inbox or that am I going to miss out on a crucial development step if I go to this meeting or that event for work…and there are days that frankly, I just don’t have it all. But I do the best I can and that is all any of us can do.
I walked into Jasmine’s kids club the other day and a fellow mummy starting talking to me about my active social media, a platform and community I have built from the ground up and she was shocked when I told her I didn’t have full-time help at home or at the office. I was sitting there dressed up, fresh blowdry ready to pop into a fashion event with Mouse afterward. It made me wonder if I had any advice on how to really be the best mum you can be while also persuing your other dreams. So in a humorous 2020 first post, I thought I would share some miracle services, places and tips I wish someone had told me a few years ago to better take care of myself while being a mum, wife and more.
Don’t feel bad about making time for yourself…and make the most of that time because we all know it’s fleeting. When Mouse is at nursery, you will find me a busy itinerary that often includes a 45 minute workout (thank you, Equinox) followed by a mix of house and work admin and by then it’s pretty much pick up time. Sometimes I find myself not as productive as I should be and that’s ok too. Sometimes my body needs this ‘me’ time to sweat it out and other times it’s a nap. It’s all about balance!
Blow-dry bars. Yes, perhaps a rather odd thing to have on this list. But it makes you feel (not to mention look) like a movie star but many such as AER blowdry bar are very kid-friendly. Bonus: the sound of a hairdryer is very therapeutic for babies. Mouse and I have become regulars and we love these weekly dates that are bonding and beautifying! For my friends across the pond, drybar and their signature yellow hair dryers are a dream and come highly recommended by my US friends.
We live in the modern world where we can even bring the salon home through RUUBY app. This is my ‘glow to’ for lash infill appointments, evening massages after Mouse’s bedtime and makeup application for a shoot! Mouse and I have even gotten hair cuts simultaneously through the app all in the comfort of our home. That’s the beauty of the app is you can really create your own schedule with zero travel time.
Use your network. Find fellow mummies, connect with the women in your family and extended family and simply focus on not just becoming a better mum but better connected with the mums around you who can offer insight, support and even babysitting. I’m so grateful for my network and all the amazing women in my family and who I’ve met over the last few years. THANK YOU! We can all work together and help one another as we navigate this journey together.
#Selfcare is important, and this can mean different things to others. For me going to a meeting to discuss an upcoming brand or potential collaboration for this blog is what makes me feel whole and only reinforces the focus on Mouse: ‘happy mum, happy child’. We are so quick to judge, make assumptions but less of that. Let’s stand together and support each other as we all go after our goals in 2020.
“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it” and also remember that ‘you glow girl’. Happy 2020 to you all.
XO Steph
